you decide to live alone

you draw up a list of the pros and cons:

cons
higher rent
higher bills

pros
quiet
creative space
nudity

and when you get to nudity you abandon the list and think about sex. noisy sex with your boyfriend, and if that doesn't work out, with the strangers you won't need to sneakily and hurriedly usher out of your house.

you can be living on your own and can share awkward, "did we really do that last night? and how?" coffee stares with them in the morning at your kitchen table, or in bed, or in your bath, if either of you suggest it.

you can feed each other crumpets in there as you sit head to toe propped up on your inflatable cushions, and the booze still loitering in your system like the kid from next door who stays at your place too long because you let him watch adult TV.

you can leave the bathroom door open, laugh loudly, and ask provocative "getting to know you" questions you can force him to answer underwater as you both slide down to communicate like merlovers.

he can gurgle "yeeees" to having kissed a boy, and "yeeeeeeeeeeees" to enjoying his deep sea blow-job. and you can feel confident and light and uninhibited, and squeal like a kettle when afterwards he pulls you up and over to his side of the tub.

you can hog the bathroom, and leave soapy puddles you can then drag around the lounge as you chase him with a towel you have dangled and twirled into a whip- all the more menacing to naked skin.

but you love your boyfriend, and change your mental image because you want him to be your merman, coming and going and entering you and your place, eventually with his own key, the one you have cut for him when he pulls you up for air and looks at you as he rests your head on an inflatable pillow, moves your hair out of your eyes and, like in the movies, kisses you with his eyes closed.