Try this at home

Tell him you work full time, and have a full time job, and that you love both equally.

Tell him you don't read junk mail but can't bring yourself to put a sign up on your door above the slot for letters saying so. Explain that you like to hear the catalogues and direct marketing delivered because they offer the illusion of mail.

Tell him that's also why the arrival of bills doesn't upset you.

Tell him your earliest memory is of a smell and not an event. Screw your nose as you recall a sandy dry weed beach smell you've not smelt since.

Tell him these small things first like you are laying down cushions to break his fall for later when the heavy stuff lands.

Remember his favourite words and hear them ring like tiny nursery rhyme bells when they are spoken in every day conversation.

Get caught smiling by your boss when he says one of them in a serious meeting.

Lie awake for hours after he falls asleep and type stories and thoughts into your phone so as not to disturb him with the bedroom light on.

When he reads to you make inaudible purring noises and think about licking the backs of your wrists to your cheeks and brow.

Make secret mental notes that you can't help but tell him with fresh-out-of the-oven excitement.

Give him the best bits you've saved especially for him and then let him give them back to you when he insists.

Carry on like you are not fussed to see him and then pounce on him as soon as you are alone together.

Tell him you'd do anything for him and surprise yourself with the words as they arrive.

Memorise his perfect and imperfect skin in the dark and daylight so you can conjure his memory when you are not with him.

Become embarrassed (or pretend to be) when he catches you touching yourself in the dark when you think he is asleep.

Try not to be jealous when he remembers entire conversations you can only recall parts of. Then be glad to have the whole memories restored for later visitation.

Twirl his name around your tongue like bubble gum and blow bubbles with the vowel sounds that punctuate his full name until they burst.

Straddle your legs on either side of him and wonder if anything has ever felt this good under you.

Buy him things he loves because when you try to walk past them you can't and have to go back.

Imagine the artistic representation (animated) of the imminent moment when your feelings for him outgrow your tiny frame.

Constantly update your files with his newest facial expressions and the noises you've never heard him make before.

Feel like the time without him is light and heady, especially when you get to talk about him with no particular relevant context.

Get up and wander down the hall to the kitchen several times in the night to enjoy the feeling of finding him in your bed when you return to your room.

Get dressed up and fidget.

Stand before him and look down at your feet pointing at his.

Feel momentarily self-conscious and forget what your hands are supposed to do when they are not holding something.

Touch the flat of your palm on his shirted chest before you look up and into his eyes to tell him you love him. Because you do.